Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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