she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
