Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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