At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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