She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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