Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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