Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
