The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
