i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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