This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
