Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
