He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
