the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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