3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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