last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize