billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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