Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
