your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
