Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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