who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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