well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize