I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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