i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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