just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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