you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My feet surprised me
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