I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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