And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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