Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
