I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
