I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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