don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
