i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
