Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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