Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
