And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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