It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
