The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
