Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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