Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
