You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
