Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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