Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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