i would punch a child for taco bell
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
