you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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