Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
