? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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