omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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