Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
