Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
