u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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