guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
