i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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