ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
