I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
