We should be called the Road Head Warriors
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
