My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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