i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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