Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
