right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
