Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
