I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Bring me that man meat
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
