I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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