now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My ass is underappreciated
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
