before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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