I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
