There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
