my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
