I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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